I notice what male psychologists/psychiatrists say to me what needs to be said without consideration of my feelings which I need most times. I can be so lost in my own delusional way of perception that I like to be shocked with what people say about me.

I remember AtypicalDisaster (Even though female) called me out on my heroin needle thing. Even though I talked back, it was the best thing for me because I was so far in the deep end that it was like I was going to die a sad death.

Same thing happened in rehab. One woman (Sociopath) said I was glorifying which is what I thought I was supposed to do and say and I was having a panic attack while saying it out of addict entity consuming my soul and I felt so horrible.

I like therapists for the reason of giving a perspective that I've never had. I've always liked when people made fun of me because I take it as learning something new.

Still I'm afraid to do that to other people like my mom and her drinking or if someone is doing something stupid. I just sit back and watch it happen. I take abuse from people when I don't want it like from my step dad because I'm just a spectator and don't involve myself or take responsibility for my own actions. I should feel more hate, regret and revenge because that seems to build my character into standing up for myself. When people want to stand up for themselves, they get hurt and that's just something I need to step into.

I always make best friends with sociopaths tho if they don't want something from me.