Please, talk about all this with a professional. (S)he will know exactly which questions to ask you in order to have the first clues.
You have been living this since 2012. Too much time without checking with an expert. It must have been a hell.
I only had three times I lived a similar situation, two of them, with totally strangers and they made me feel horrible, sad, crying, destroyed for quite a while.
So, I can barely have a light idea of what you are going through.
Check with a professional and then, if you want, come here, to tell us about how things are going on.
P.D.: Is there something that prevent you from visiting a psychiatrist? If so, teñl is. Maybe, we could give you advices to make things easier.