I'm so sorry, Turquoisetree247 It seems like you're going through a lot right now. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings. Keep writing here if it helps you. I hope you'll be able to get the help you need and deserve. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this