I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Cold Soul Please don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you're a wonderful person, just like everyone else here on PC. You deserve to be loved, simply because you exist. You do deserve good things in your life. I'm so sorry you can't see it right now. Do you have Depression? If that's the case, just remember that Depression is like a big black cloud, that doesn't let you see the good things that you have in your life. It's not your fault. But I'm sure you can fight back! You seem like a very strong person. You just need some help, that's all. You are worthy. You are capable. Keep saying that to yourself until you believe it. You just need to gain some self-confidence. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings. I hope you'll be able to get the help you need and deserve. Because you DO deserve help! You're a wonderful person. If you need to work on your self-esteem issues, perhaps you could buy some self-help books. Perhaps you could try to look it up and see how it goes from there. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this