I don't know what he's specifically doing, but at least you have the physical distance from him to be able to say "no, that's not how it's going to be" without having teh wheels in your head spin about " is it safe?" "what will happen if..?" It's YOUR turn to set boundaries for yourself and your children. It's your power in your control, now. You can hang up the phone. You can shut off IMs and block email. You don't have to...anything. I know it's hard to feel strong or confident or even RIGHT sometimes for me, after so much "psychic deconstruction", does that make sense? Be well, good luck and bless you. You can talk to me any time you want.