Sometimes everything is so dark...so bleak...so empty...void of any meaning or purpose. Then suddenly everthing makes sense...the world is so bright...so full of delightful opportunity...such joy, such meaning, such purpose. And WHAM! It's all swept away. Nothing but a black hole left in it's place. Only despair and haunting torment remain...but what's that I see up ahead? A ray of light...

I both love and hate myself. I both love and hate people. I both love and hate my life. I both love and hate this "thing" that takes me for rollercoaser rides each and every day of my life....this "affliction" that causes me to feel so much and yet nothing at all....this "phenomenon" that gives me such bliss, such completeness, such beautiful and exotic thoughts...AND THEN RIPS IT ALL AWAY LIKE A TORNADO RIPPING APART A WARM AND LOVING HOME....leaving nothing but the cold, damp darkness that is my so called life.

But the real torture...the real torment...the true haunting pain is living in both worlds simultaneously. One foot in heaven...the other in hell. My mind racing in two different directions so as to rip me in half. My thoughts racing so fast...my mind too slow to keep up. Feeling so completely alive and utterly desperate that I think I might go mad.......where am I in all this? Which one is the "real" me, who do I hold on to? What can I truely believe in, if anything at all?

Then the darkness of the night comes......it's all only just begun....