Hi there!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with keeping boundaries but I can sense you don't want to damage the relationship so I have some suggestions for you:

1.) DO NOT have this conversation with your daughter while they are in your house. Be sure that it's either over the phone or in an email.

2.) Be kind and polite, no matter how poorly you feel they treated you. You will be stronger in the end for it. If anyone acts like a jerk, let it be them.

3.) Unless you never want to see them again, do not bring up the fact that you've had so many past troubles. Save that for forum and for your therapist. Otherwise, it's going to escalate the problem and make their intrusion a larger issue than it really is. They might actually think you enjoy them being there.

Here are some ways to talk about this:

"Honey, I really enjoy visiting with you, especially my grand baby but it's a bit hard on me to accommodate everyone _________. From now on, can you please ask me in advance whether or not I have plans. Sometimes there are some things I'd like to do, or I'd just like to relax on my own. Please know that I love you, and want us to enjoy the time we spend together so having a plan in advance will be helpful to all of us. Thanks for understanding..." or SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

Do NOT say:

"I'm tired of being treated like I run a bed and breakfast ..."

Best of luck!

Lele