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Originally Posted by here today
Many or most of us participating on PsychCentral have a history of trauma and/or mental health issues, and experience and knowledge about how to discuss differing opinions -- and disrespecting certain opinions, even -- without disrespecting others is something I know that I have lacked. There really aren't any classes anywhere about that, which I have found. So maybe, we can develop or come up with something ourselves? By participating here in a discussion, which may stray over the community guidelines sometimes, but then we learn and try again? Or something like that?
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2.
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Originally Posted by luvyrself
Assertiveness classes are in fact exactly for this purpose in that they teach how to stand up for yourself without being so aggressive that you work against yourself. I think its a matter of phrasing things tactfully. We might imagine that a whole audience is listening, which it is.
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3.
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Originally Posted by here today
Although this may have been intended as helpful information, it is not. I learned about assertiveness training maybe -- could it have been 40 years ago? Yes, at least -- it was new then.
Assertiveness training, as it was at the time, was behavioral training. It had nothing to do with, nothing to say about, what if there was a loss or fragmentation of an underlying sense of self, or something like that, if anybody even believes that something like that can exist. It's taken me years and years since then to try to address -- try to even find out -- things that prevented "assertiveness training" to be a satisfactory solution in my case.
So -- thanks for the intention, but I'll support missbella's comment on this:
Well, maybe, wisdom varies from person to person, but it does seem wise to me and to how I want to be interacted with.
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Originally Posted by unaluna
This was indeed wisely in response to a direct request. Im sorry it was not recognized as such. In my experience, assertiveness training that i took 40 years ago was not as effective to my underdeveloped self as was my more recent DBT training. Even something seemingly as simple as saying "No!" felt overwhelming at first.
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Maybe the written words, and the time and spaces between responses above, illustrates the difficulties in discussing differing opionions -- and different understandings, perspectives, and intentions.
It may be too tedious for most -- or any? -- to go through all the posts above and see where things didn't mesh, or were misundertood, or were in disagreement. But they seem to be there, to me.
One thing I found in dealing with conflict and working with a family member I was estranged from is that it was important to focus on our common interest, and common overall goal, and then to learn how to discuss our different approaches, different talents in working toward our common interest, and developing changing goals and steps to get there along the way.
Happily, we have succeeded.
And though the project has yet to be completed, and I don't want to discuss what's next in detail with her yet until it has, we have both touched recently on our satisfaction that we were able to learn to work together, and our wish that we might have some kind of relationship (we haven't worked that out yet) going forward.
So -- it can be done, I think. In some instances. If/when we have a common interest or goal that we can identify.
Let me just say that, in my experience, assertiveness training as I have experienced it is not up to the task. If it is for some, go ahead with that route. I have had to do some "pre-requisite" work, as I felt I also needed before DBT would be of any help for me. I tried that, too.