</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
tulips30 said:
I was thinking how hard it would be if I had to "share" my t. in this way. I think I would feel so threatened & possessive of our relationship that I would lose it.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Thanks for your support, tulips. I don't have a problem really with having T be at our legal meetings. He has a very different non-therapist role there. It has been more of a problem when he goes into coach mode at my therapy sessions when I want him to be just my T (T, where are you?). Also, when my H and I were doing couples therapy last year with him, it was hard. I would love to have a beer with you too! We should get a gang together...

jurplesman, you got it, my H is not a normal guy! I don't believe my H's pornography habit is related to depression. He does take ADs and says they have helped him with his anger. He may feel entitled to porn, multiple sex partners outside of the marriage, etc. perhaps because he is a narcissist. That would also explain why he doesn't consider my feelings when watching the porn in front of me. He is the center of his universe--no one else exists. Interestingly, there is some anecdotal evidence that "selective serotonin-reuptake inhibitors, such as Prozac, aggravate narcissists' grandiosity and lack of social inhibition."

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I hate when this happens. When I realize all the stuff I tolerate, I then start thinking, WHY do I put up with that? What is wrong with me?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">That could have been me writing that Mckell. Truthfully, there really is something wrong with me that I put up with so much for so long. That is changing for me now, I am getting divorced. But I still want to get to the root of my pathology through therapy. I really do not want to keep making these mistakes...

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
What's next? You going back to school? Getting a job? Starting a business? You're going to be "free" soon of the weight moving business. Are you terrified or have a million dreams you hardly remember that you put on hold and have to re-access or what?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Very good questions, Perna. I want to work on this stuff when I can get some breathing space from putting out forest fires. I am thinking a lot about my job and what I will do with my career. I really need to earn more money, but yet I want to do something I like too. And I would find it hard to totally switch careers and give up all the expertise I have accummulated in this line of work. Not sure what I will do....

Today was another meeting, this one with lawyer and financial advisor. It was so stressful. I started crying twice. I hate hate hate hate hate that. Sometimes I just feel like I cannot do this anymore. Later, I received a message to schedule part 2 of the child meeting, but just didn't feel up to it so soon so I made some excuse. Maybe I'll feel up to it later. Is it possible to "fail" divorce? I wish I could just drop this course and take an "incomplete" on my report card.