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One day, a baby video appeared in my YouTube suggestions, and I watched it. I felt joy looking at it. Since then, they have been appearing, and I keep watching them. When I watch them, I feel happy of how cute they are. But afterwards I feel sad because I am planning not to have children who may suffer in this life because of me. I feel sad that I may never experience this joy of having little babies. These emotions are conflicting inside me.
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