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Old Feb 21, 2019, 01:33 PM
Anonymous57363
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doglover6335 View Post
Thanks for all of these ideas. I occasionally do meditation but I need to get better at it. Also, I’m seriously considering getting on medication now. I am just willing to do anything to be better so that my husband decides I’m good enough for him.
Hello Doglover. Here's another big, safe, warm for you. Please only consider medication in consultation with your MD and pharmacist if that is something that feels right for you as an individual. Making major decisions like that purely to convince yourself that you are "good enough" for your husband may not be the path to peace for you. I hope it did not sound like I was suggesting that you should take meds in order to appease your husband. I was just sharing any idea I could think of to help you manage your anxiety in order to find peace. There are also many herbal options out there which some people find, with daily use, helpful for their anxiety. You could consult with a Naturopath (doctorate in naturopathy) if you're interested in professional guidance about those options.

I am very concerned about the way your husband is dealing with this situation. I want to remind you that we are talking about a husband here...not a short-term boyfriend...not a date. I always look at both sides of any relationship problem. And you of course want to respect his wishes and needs. However, he appears to have made a very impulsive and rash decision here. I believe you mentioned a comment from him, something along the lines of "maybe we'll get back together if you get better some time, who knows." That comment, I need to be candid with you Doglover, did not lie right with me at all. What about your marriage vows? I don't know which ones you specifically shared on your wedding day but what about "in sickness and in health." Chronic anxiety is an illness of sorts. If you were struggling with arthritis or MS, would he take off to his parents and consider ending the marriage?

I think he can and should be much more mature and thoughtful about how he is interacting with his precious wife. He chose to commit his life to you. That is not something which should just be thrown out the window or dangled over your head ("maybe I'll come back, maybe I won't") as some sort of scare tactic or ultimatum.

At the very least, the man owes you a detailed and peaceful discussion about what's going on between the two of you. If he needs to stay at his parents in order to take a breath and calm down, then fair enough. Though personally I perceive that action as shockingly juvenile at this stage.

I would encourage you NOT to accept his dismissive and honestly unkind approach to you right now. The issue is NOT all on your side here. He's suggesting that it is and that's not realistic and not okay. There are TWO people in the marriage. TWO imperfect humans who BOTH have flaws and needs and wishes. So TWO people need to be responsible and compassionate and supportive. And I think you have a right to calmly remind him of his marriage vows.

May I ask how he was when you two discussed getting married? Did you bring it up or did he? How long were you together before marrying? How long was the engagement? Was planning shared between you two? Was it relatively smooth or bumpy? Was he happy about getting married or confused or apprehensive?

Please don't torture yourself about the argument you had about the TV show. Trust me, that is NOT what this situation is all about. There's something deeper going on here. And you both need to address that from an honest place of care and regard for each other.

I feel sad (and a bit angry) for you. Please DO NOT assume that you are not good enough for this man. Your worth is intrinsic Doglover. It has been present within you since the day you were born, anxiety or no anxiety. Your worth is NO less than your husband's. And your worth is NOT dependent on your husband's view of you or his actions toward you. I don't think I can address the complexity of those ideas adequately on this forum so please have a talk with your therapist about that.

You deserve peace, unconditional love, and joy. Please remember that Doglover.
Hugs from:
Anonymous43949, Doglover6335
Thanks for this!
Doglover6335, healingme4me