I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Marylin Please don't be so hard on yourself. It's not your fault if you're struggling. Of course you would feel better if you could. But you know how it works, much better than me. You can't just snap out of it. It's not your fault. You're just struggling, that's all. Just take it one step at the time. Take baby steps. Take some time for yourself. It seems like you really need it. You deserve it. I'm sure you're a wonderful person. Just remember that things will be ok. I know things seem pretty bad right now, but trust me when I say that they can get better. If it can help a bit... we're here for you. Feel free to vent here as much as you want. We'll listen to what you have to say. We care about you. We all love you here. You know we won't judge you. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this