i feel so hopeless now. has anyone ever felt like the second things start to get better one of us does something so stupid to mess it up? i feel so emotionally void. we fight so much that all my feelings have just been killed. i dont know what to do. its like he hears everything i say in the *****-iest way possible. even if im laughing as im saying it... when he repeats it... there are tones created and words added. and i hear tones in what he says too. then when he explains it i think "oh yeah, i guess it wasnt that after all" but by then the damage has been done.

i just dont get it. we have so much fun together. we play video games together, we love cooking together, cleaning together.... but somehow we always fight. and its always about stupid stuff. why is it that we create these "tones" out of nothing. why is it that he takes what i say and turns it into something horrible sounding? and i do the same thing. I feel like were trying to hurt each other and i hate it. i dont know if its just that we need some time away from each other or what. but how? we live together. he asked me the other day if i wanted to take "a break" which is never good. but i dont even know how we would! neither of us have the money to go somewhere or stay in a hotel for a night or 2. we cant miss work or school for a vacation.

and also, when we do spend all day everyday together its perfectly fine. when we moved from cincy to carbondale, it took us about 3 weeks to find a job. we sat at home and drove around filling out applications and we had so much fun. that whole time i think we had maybe one argument and it didnt even turn into a fight. we resolved it quickly. so it almost feels like we need more time together because when were together a lot we never fight.

but at the same time, it feels like we jsut aggravate each other. i dont know if anyone else has had this: when youre around someone soooo much that sometimes everything they do bugs you. you take something completely innocent, and turn it into them being a jerk. or just the sound of their voice irks you. thats what it feels like. but we never see each other.

im at the end of my rope here. i know our relationship is strong or else we wouldnt have gotten this far. if he ever needed me i would be there and he is the same way. we care about each other so much and were best friends. i just dont know what the hell is going on. im so frustrated. and so is he. i hate feeling like this. and i know you guys read my problems with my boyfriend all the time so im sorry this was so long. i just had to get it out to someone other than him. thanks for reading if you made it this far.