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I realize now that there’s nothing I can do to fix it, so it doesn’t really matter what I do. I could be totally perfect and loving after a fight and he’ll still ignore me for a week at a time. It is horrifying and draining. Yes, everything you said makes sense. I wish I could show him all of the things you all have said without him freaking out.
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You can't show him though Doglover, he is NOT available for that, he prefers to stomp off like a spoiled child. That is what you married, "a spoiled child" not a mature caring available partner.