I have a big difficulty trusting people and letting them into my life. Even when I'm getting to know someone that I like, I tend to withdraw and sabotage the relationship.
I feel like I can never relax and allow myself to trust someone... no matter if they've never done anything for me to distrust them.
When people are nice and friendly to me I overthink about the reasons why they could be acting that way.
I tell myself things like "they're just being polite", "they are like that with everyone", and I even think they're being nice because they pity me.
The ironic part is that when I've had people take advantage of me and not respect me in the past, I have accepted that kind of treatment without a second thought. (Almost as if it came naturally to me).
It's like it's easier for me to stay in a relationship where my needs don't matter to the other person, than it is to be in a relationship where the other person accepts me for who I am. (This goes both for friendships as for romantic partners).
I really want to change these patterns but I don't know what to do.

Recently I realized that when I'm in session with Pdoc and she's being empathetic and patient with me, I tend to get tense and act defensive towards her (almost as if I felt threatened). Of course, this is something I do unconsciously.
It's like I struggle to accept the idea of "being accepted" by someone else. Does this make any sense? I'm feeling so confused right now