You're not pathetic. You are now seeing the light and you are making major strides with all your realizations about your relationship and husband.

Give yourself a big dose of self-compassion. You've been in pain and have been through a lot with him. It IS painful. Even the realizations are painful. Be compassionate with yourself... be a good friend to yourself, and give yourself a big hug. I congratulate you for how far you've come in just ONE DAY!!!!