There's not much I can add to Hopefully's excellent response above, except that I completely agree with it. Your husband's actions and attitudes bother me in the extreme. Being in a situation where you MUST change just so that someone else MIGHT find you acceptable is putting yourself under crushing pressure to accomplish the impossible.

In my view, by the time 2 people commit themselves to each other in marriage they have taken the time and trouble necessary to get to know each other, warts and all. Things you like about people are fine, but the important part in a lasting relationship is, can you put up with and accept the things you don't like about the person. Can you live with them.

I can't stress strongly enough that to make a relationship work, BOTH people have to want it to work, and be willing to do a lot of loving communication to make it work.

I'm sorry, but it this case I have my doubts. I hope I'm wrong. You are a valuable and unique person and you deserve love and support, warts and all. Anxiety and all.