Doglover, sorry this is so tough and I am glad you are finding comfort from PC. Please try not to read your husband's mind or make assumptions about how he felt when he made vows to you etc.

You are certainly right to question his behavior. And it is not okay for him to run away or threaten divorce or say hurtful things (the comment about weight gain/wedding dress was not nice at all). It's just important not to make big leaps here in your thinking if you see what I mean. There are significant problems between the two of you which need to be addressed but issues generally aren't black-and-white or all-or-nothing. I believe that most human behaviors fall on a continuum. Most of us are doing our best and still make mistakes. We sometimes hurt our loved ones even when we don't mean to. We try to correct our mistakes. We try to be better. Most of us are not cruel or willfully deceptive.

I am not saying that the way your husband is behaving is okay (it's not) but there's probably more to his story, right? Like most people. There were reasons you partnered with him and chose to marry him. Do you still see those traits in him...the aspects of him that you grew to love?

Trying to psychoanalyze one's spouse or endeavoring to read their thoughts/feelings is probably not the path to peace. Nobody can read your thoughts, right? Leave the psychoanalysis to the therapist provided your hub is willing to participate at some point. If not, share all of your observations and concerns with your own therapist and see what comes of it. Slowly and with time and patience. You and your husband don't need to make any big decisions any time soon...he was suggesting that but in reality you both have time here, right? Problems are coming to the surface...now is the time to gradually work through them to see where you both land.

You mentioned that you "must sound pathetic." I assure you that you do NOT sound pathetic at all. You sound like an intelligent and loving wife who fears losing her husband. Perfectly understandable. I am not judging you Doglover. I am coming from a place of care and regard. You have my support. As I said, I always try to look at both sides in a relationship...the reality is usually more grey and complicated than we may at first assume.

Take a step back. Breathe slowly and deeply. There is time. I wish you peace as you navigate through this issue with your hub.