Yes! Hold on tight. A HUGE part of abuse is slowly chipping away at the other person's self-esteem/self-respect. It puts them right where the abuser wants them -- feeling trapped. And feeling to blame. Sound familiar? He is also very much trying to make you feel guilty. You are NOT. It is part of the abuse.

I can tell you as an example that my exBF LOVED to manipulate people through pity. It was his MO. Acting upset, hurt, even in physical "pain" in order to gain something for himself. That's something that actually is pathetic.

I know it is hard when your self-respect has been damaged like this (been there). But you can do it. Just keep recognizing these manipulations for what they are and forge ahead with the things you need to do. In doing them, your self-esteem will build. Things can often seem impossible. Until they're accomplished! It may well involve putting yourself out there -- asking for help and such. I have a super-hard time asking for help too, but sometimes it is necessary. It will certainly make things much easier. And many people really DO want to help. You'd want to help someone in a similar situation wouldn't you? Of course!

Sending lots of and strength your way.