Quote:
Originally Posted by golden_eve
Sisabel, your husband sounds difficult for sure, but also supportive of you, so it seems you have a mixed bag. Yet you spend more time apart than together and he is too grouchy, moody and doesn't want to see people. It does sound like an unhappy marriage in my opinion, and I am soooo very sorry to hear this.
You could branch out even more and make your own friends, get out of the house even more than you do, but that will lead to even more separate lives. And yes, I think it's indicative of trouble in the marriage when two people generally spend more time apart than they do together, and on purpose.
I don't have the answers, but I feel for you. It's not an easy situation, and I do see the positive aspects that he gives you. He's just plain difficult!
Only you can decide what you can tolerate and how much you're willing to put up with. Life is short -- far too short -- to be unhappy for a prolonged period of time.
And it's not you -- these are real issues in the marriage that seem to stem mostly from him being the way he is.
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I agree. This is a difficult situation. I should know because mine is similar. My husband has two sides: he’s funny, chivalrous and supportive yet he can be negative, grouchy, cheap and obnoxious, at times. I am constantly asking myself, “ does the good eclipse the bad or vice versa?
I feel like I have done or said something that he has not expressed or forgiven me for. We’ve been married 18 yrs and it has taken a lot of patience, understanding and forgiveness to get to this point. However, it takes two people. My husband always states he likes having new experiences, going out, mingling with people. BUT he hates crowds, lines, traffic etc... To me, these things are a part of life. You have to be able to cope with daily issues. Furthermore, I feel if it’s something he enjoys, he’s more willing to withstand the nuisances for his hobbies. If it’s my hobby or interest, he tolerates it and his body language let’s you know he’s not happy.
I feel like our marriage is an old car and I’m the only one doing maintenance: he’s willing to ride because it’s free, but he won’t chip in to touch up the paint or get new spark plugs or whatever other metaphors you can think of.
It can be quite lonely. We, like the two of you, debate over things, insignificant at times, as well. I avoid being around him sometimes because my job is stressful enough. I don’t want to be stressed in both places - work and home. Then, he’ll say, you act like you don’t like me because you never want to be around me. But I ask, if when we’re around each other, we argue, how is that enjoyable?
I think as I always have, he doesntl like to take accountability. He’s always the one who has been hurt or offended and it’s always someone else’s fault.