I just wanted to say that this process you are describing might be way easier for some people than others. I'm in many respects as Lrad - been very independent all the time, the shame will surface all the time and threaten my very existing etc etc.

I have been in psychoanalysis for almost 6 years soon and I still cannot do this kind of transference work yet. I simply can't. I understand how it works in theory but in practice my defences know better than me - they know that it would be dangerous to let go like this because shame is part of my very core and it would be very dangerous to let it loose like this - I feel I might stop existing or stop existing in a way I know myself (which is the same thing) or that I won't be able to gather myself together after the session ends etc.

I have accepted that my process is terribly slow by anyones standards. I've also accepted that I need it anyway. It's just that it's probably never going to be easier for me and I will probably never going to "enjoy the pleasures" of psychoanalysis - the transference work you described - I've been just too damaged for that during my early childhood.