I sort of get what you are saying, but I’m not sure I am able to schedule myself to do this exactly during one of the two 50 minute periods I have with my T each week. Can I do this on my own? Because I feel like I may be able to do this better on my own time.

As others have suggested, it feels like I’m responding to the fact that I don’t typically ask much from people, however my T created an atmosphere where he gave me something (email attention and replies), then took it away and now I want it and feel a loss for what I once had. When I ask for them (which feels embarrassing), he says no which makes me feel horrible, and if I get upset about it, I feel like he will want to terminate me because last time I got upset in December I somehow ended up making an appointment with another T afterwards. I’m not even sure if that was his idea or mine, but I feel like he might have been pushing me away although it might have been at least partially in my mind. I did tell him F*** you in an email, but as far as getting upset I don’t think it was too terribly bad (I feel like I was provoked, after all) but it might have been too much, so I feel like I’m not allowed to get upset even though some of this is upsetting.