First let me stop you. YOU NEED MENTAL HELP. You can afford a therapist and you can afford a psychiatrist. Can you get on state insurance? What is your medical insurance situation like? I highly recommend calling the suicide hotline and speaking to them. I believe they can put you in contact with people who can help you. You do not have to suffer like this due to not being able to afford medication.

I am sorry to say but no, you cannot maintain a relationship like this. It is a toxic relationship for your partner and he certainly doesn't deserve to be in a situation like that. People with depression maintain healthy relationships by treating their depression. Left untreated, depression is a serious illness that creates toxic relationships.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you are making excuses to leave your depression untreated and creating unnecessary strain on yourself by even contemplating whether or not a relationship can work in this dynamic. It is not a difficult choice. You NEED to get treatment. I strongly advise you to take a break from this relationship, contact resources to help you, and get yourself healthier and then try to revisit dating this person. You have to realize somewhere that believing you're going to kill yourself one day isn't normal. You are choosing to accept this as your ultimate death and not seeking treatment for it. It's like walking out in public with a physical illness, complaining about it, thinking about it endlessly, and shunning away the fact there are ways to treat it and your health would improve.. You yourself are choosing to be miserable. You can get treated, you can have a healthy relationship, you can have children....but you shouldn't and cannot with deep depression and suicidal thoughts this severe.