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Feb 23, 2019, 11:05 PM
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Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,406
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CrystalGirlx
Can we agree to disagree? I actually have felt like OP, and I have been through the emotions she is going through. I don't want to seem like I am judging OP, and I suppose I am. Okay, I am. But I don't know how else to convey that the biggest obstacle OP is facing is herself. When I was seeking help for my abusive relationship, posts that were warm and fuzzy, and that just let me rant and say "oh I am so sorry" didn't help me in the long run. I kept hiding from the judging comments seeking these posts until I had exhausted every chat board and friend who would listen. The posts that really ended up hurting the most were the ones that told me eventually it is your fault because you choose to stay. You don't walk away. But, it was something that I needed to hear.
OP. I sympathize with how difficult these feelings are. You NEED professional help, and you should not be in a relationship without first seeking it. You have had a pattern of toxic relationships due to your depression, and the more and more toxic relationships you have the more it is going to feed into your depression. This does not make you bad, it does not make you worthless, it makes you someone that needs help. You DESERVE help. You are no different than anyone else.
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I dont think it was your fault though. Victims of abuse are groomed and trained to not be able to walk away. Learned helplessness is a documented state in abuse victims.
I agree with you that the only way out is through. The OP needs to seek professional help. But I do disagree about judgments. We can be direct and clear without blaming the OP for her depression, which is likely out of her control. I can speak from my experience that when I was blamed by my family when I was picked up from the hospital after being admitted for self harm that the judgments and blame only made things worse, not better.
I think you need to understand that being in a domestic violence situation is entirely different from suffering from severe depression and having suicidal ideations. She didnt ask or cause her depression in any way shape or form. She does need to take responsibility for the treatment of it though.
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?
Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.
Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien
Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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