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sarahsweets · Feb 24, 2019, 06:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saidso

It was odd to realise that despite engagement in all of the women's liberation movements my relations to men have STILL been conditioned by whether I am cute enough and whether I can perform domestic services.

For years and years I was like this, still am a little. I tend to handle the "homemaker" duties but part of that is because I do not work so it makes sense that I would. One thing that helped me with my identity was college. I got married when I was 20 and a sophomore in college. I had my son and went back to school the following fall when I was 21.5. I worked and finished my degree in Literature. I have no idea how I did it because I hardly slept but I was young. Being educated with a degree helped me not feel so dependent on my husband-even though I am. It made me feel like I had the ability to do something if I had to. I have three kids and stopped working when I turned 26 # for the bipolar and adhd and 2# because I couldn't afford daycare for three kids. I am glad I was there for them and I did qualify for disability. I am faced with a predicament now though. My youngest is 15 and the older two are doing their own thing and I am revaluating what my purpose is. She will graduate in 2 years and probably go to school and then what? I havent much of an identify beyond mom and wife. But I am 43, not to old to do something meaningful. I did take an intro to teaching course this fall but I had to drop it because my 22 year old son had a stroke. Now I need to decide if I can do it all over again.

Quote:

I realise that my somewhat questioning, wild-minded personality has partly been conditioned STILL by the fact that I wasn't born as beautiful as my father expected me to be, and growing up I wasn't as beautiful as my best friend, and my mother wasn't as beautiful as my best friend's mum.

I hope you realize that cute and beautiful is subjective and you are probably gorgeous but can't see it. How old are you?

Quote:

I thought that I'd rejected those roles - because I couldn't be best at them - and made my way in the world otherwise. But retiring from work has made me realise that socially... I still play out the role of dressing up and cooking for men and I long to be seen instead as "ME".

Are you of retirement age or did you just stop working? What did you do?

Quote:

I don't at all disrespect women who stay at home and bring up children. I am simply reflecting that odd circumstances - like the male gender's general expectations about looks and cooking - might determine the whole course of our lives STILL.

Is this a gross generalisation? I'm dying to hear about exceptions. Is it possible to be valued by the male population as "ME" rather than as some …. standard or non-standard female icon?

Until I got sober I didn't completely know myself. I was hiding it and destroying it with alcohol. Getting sober helped me to see my own value better. I still have days where I feel like "just" a housewife but those days are few now. I am at a point where I need to pick a path. Stay home and improve my housewife skills and continue volunteering or try for a career. That's the other thing I wanted to mention-volunteering. Its so rewarding. And nothing helps build your sense of self better than finding a need and filling it expecting only personal growth in return. Because of AA I do a lot of work with the women's prisons and those girls are really grateful because someone is actually giving 2 sh*ts about them.