So is depression - and some of us can mask depression very well, even to ourselves. I went off sex in 2 long term relationships and it had nothing to do with not loving my partner, it was all bound up with difficulties with touch, childhood trauma/abuse, dissociation, low self-esteem, severe anxiety and depression. I was going into myself and shutting myself down because I couldn't understand what was happening and afraid of losing the person I cared about even though I also knew I was pushing her away the fear just made it even harder to open up. I felt overwhelmed by even the slightest touch and when my partners tried to 'seduce' me I felt dirty and guilty that they were humiliating themselves just to please me (and sometimes I would make myself have sex to please them and feel like dying afterwards).

I fundamentally did not really believe anyone could really love me and thought that the only way someone could was if I on put on an act that wasn't really me, but it was harder to sustain that over time. I now know I have C-PTSD but that is too late for those relationships, which makes me sad because I also know even though I feel desperately lonely I still fear being in a relationship.