Well... I've been to the edge several times now. I've jumped twice. Both times I was caught mid-air, so to speak. (In some ways I think it might have been better had I not been. But that's the way it goes.)

I don't see anyone anymore. I never really saw any therapists for any significant period of time. I had a pdoc whom I continued seeing every few months for a while after I was no longer on psych med's. However about a year ago I stopped seeing him as well. So now I'm just hangin' out here sans support. Some days it's fine. Others it seems like a bad idea. But I have no plans to change anything now.

I wish I had some suggestions for you that would help. I hope that, in some way, you can find your way to a place where there are better options than feeling terrified at the prospect of seeing the doctor versus falling into the abyss.