<font color="brown">Thanks Mindy, I'm not avoiding it, I know by doing so it is just making things worse, I let them come. Some of the day dreams like I said are not my own memories, just me replacing someone else with terror scenes etc, enough so I know the fear etc then it snowballed into my own sexual assaults, my own threats of rape, the actual rape that I was in denial about because it wasn't violent and so on with the abuse etc. All of it just started to flood me. I just kept letting it come, I didn't even stop it, not sure why.

I don't allow myself to zone out, all my abuse from the boyfriend (ex) and the one who raped me all happened in my bedroom, with the same bed etc, my room isn't much different as it was back then. The body memories were terrible in my room, but they have gotten better. Also get triggers at my boat but they aren't as bad as I was harrassed and assaulted there by the same guy many times throughout the weekend. Also I was assaulted at work and harrassed, I did end up quitting that job because of it, even though I enjoyed being there.

Obviously there is more but I don't want to trigger anyone.

I don't even know my own triggers sometimes, I just feel them in my body, and get all tense, but I can't place why. It's so frustrating.</font>