Anne, thank you so much for this. This has really given me a lot to think about.

I think trust is implicated here in two ways. First, I totally see your point and totally agree that people are allowed to change how they run their businesses, including therapists, and that relationships are dynamic. That said, I do think therapists should be pretty careful and sensitive not to change boundaries like this when doing trauma work, especially intensive trauma work. Over and over on this board, we’ve seen people hurt terribly by therapists suddenly changing their boundaries. I really wish therapists would understand more just how detrimental this can be and yes, how it can shake up trust.

Then secondly, in my specific situation, yes, my trust is definitely impacted by her not remembering. I totally understand that everyone has a different strength in terms of their memory, and I know her memory is lousy. She has been very upfront about that. But to just totally forget something that was so important to me? That I held onto all year? And then to not even have a vague memory of it once I reminded her of it? That really upsets me. I know it’s not her fault. I don’t blame her. It’s just an is thing. But it does leave me very shaken up and upset.

And third- I just realized there’s a third way this impacts trust as I’m writing- it really upsets me that given the misunderstanding, given her forgetting, that she’s not willing to go more out of her way now to make it right. That she’s not more upset with herself about it, not more recognizing that this is a mess up, not more willing to make it okay. That really shakes up my trust too. Because we all make mistakes sometimes. That can’t be helped. No one is perfect. But how we then react to those mistakes is so critical.

And finally- one more way- it makes me have doubts because I’ve never abused this privilege. I mean, literally in a year, this didn’t happen a single time until this week. So, it shakes up my trust and makes me doubt the sanctity and realness of our relationship- that, given how rarely it’s an issue, she’s not more willing to be flexible and reasonable about this.

And one last way- this is really it now- I’m hurt because she knows that my real life circumstances right now are in the midst of a true urgent situation. So, it seems lousy that she’s making this choice given that. Especially since she would also know how much it would hurt me and upset me.

All of that said, she’s a wonderful therapist and I’m not at all considering leaving. Our relationship is very important to me. I’m just very hurt and shaken up by this and trying to figure out how best to sort myself out about the situation and also how to discuss it with her more.