Thanks everyone for the responses. Pookyl, I am glad your pdoc thought to ask for pastoral care and that it helped you. I am glad you are still here. I have heard of radical acceptance, maybe I need to look into it more. piano, that is a good outlook, I am trying to stay present as much as possible, and keep doing the things that make me mentally healthy, while not ignoring that I am grieving and struggling with this. I did find that when I got into a really good routine with hygiene that even when I could barely get out of bed I still showered. Cooking is next on the good habits list. MickeyCheeky thank you for the encouragement and I am glad you find the thread helpful. Sending back hugs.