LMO,

I really wish I had the answer for you. My own daughter has had her heart broken thousands of times by my husband's parents. His mother is gone now, but his father is as retarded as ever. He recently spent 4 days attending continuing eds in her college town at her college, and couldn't be bothered to even call her. It turns out that they ate in the same dining hall. His classes were held literally 50 feet from her dorm room. She didn't know he was there. Thanksgiving dinner, he's sitting right next to her talking to his son in law about who he saw while he was staying there! Broke her heart yet again. You'd think she'd be used of this type of behavior.

I've tried explaining that I'm sure that he doesn't intentionally hurt her feelings. He's just thoughtless and she'll just have to except him the way he is. When he does these things she's 5 years old again. The problem is that she has a cousin 2 weeks older than she. They were the only girls for a long time and it was obvious when they'd take the other granddaughter to do things and leave her behind. Or remember the other girl's birthday and buy her a gift and forget my daughter's entirely.

It was actually easier to explain it to her when she was a child. My kids were the only grandchildren on my side of the family and had all of my parents attention. I told her that she had Nana and Papa (by far more loving terms than grandma and grandpa in our family) and her cousin has grandma and grandpa. She accepted that until she was about 12.

Good luck!