I almost wish that I was feeling more depressed last fall, because I was hospitalized in December and could have started taking some meds for it. I know there isn't always a simple answer for this, but I hate when it seems to come out of nowhere. I haven't really been depressed in ages, but now, I don't know if it's a side effect from one of my meds, or a combination of the weather, and changing my work schedule to work nights... But I've really been feeling down lately. I feel like I sleep all the time.

I see my psychiatrist in 3 weeks, and until then, I have apts with my therapist the next two weeks. My mom thinks I should call my psychiatrist to see if I can come in sooner. But I'm tempted to try something else like energy work in the meantime, as I know that can help me get in touch with other emotions too because maybe this isn't entirely chemical. I've been changing my life in a lot of ways for the better, and maybe it's stirring up some sort of grief or something. Does that make sense?

Let me know if you think I should call my psychiatrist to go in sooner. I made some comments when I was around my mom, like: "Why am I even alive?" So that's probably why she's worried about me. I am feeling really depressed, and am not on a med for that because I'm on meds more for psychosis that I've had, and maybe I need to be on a mood stabilizer or something so that I don't become manic, because I know my psychiatrist was worried about that with me if I go on an anti depressant. But I'm not suicidal. I've lost family members to suicide, so that does make me more at risk, but that is the last way I would ever want to die. I just want my life to be better. And it's hard to know where to start, so I'm just trying to focus on my little self, and just figure out what is going on in my own mind and body. Another option besides energy work would be seeking out a doctor that was recommended to me by another practitioner that deals with hormones, as I could have something hormone related going on.

Any help or words of encouragement would be great. Thanks.