I found your comment about my use of ego states very interesting Miss Charlotte. Although I am a bit scatter brained and often leave out words or ending of words when I write, I usually choice my descriptors carefully but sometime unconsciously. Perna comment about the word dehumanizing made me think about why I chose that word, and in fact when I went back and thought about it, it was a good choice for what I was doing (in my mind anyway). Ego states... yes I think I use it because I see some of my behavior patterns as pathological and therefore I want to keep it separate from ME. Who ever that really is. When you first talked about your little girl state and created the build-a-bear to represent her, I had a gut reaction to that. Not to you, personally, but to how you were willing to embrace and accept her. Your post occurred at a time when I had just been questioned about what the past me was feeling or wanting. I had just realized that this part of me existed, and I did not like it one bit. You were embracing this ego state and I just simply wanted wanted no part of it. I'm not sure how I ultimately presented myself on PC but internally was very,,, rattle by that whole thread. Some of you are able to give these states names, genders, and visual representation. I'm struggling to do that, so my terms are very neutral.

Ever since we had the discussion a while back regarding the interaction between T's and clients and Sunrise used the term therapeutic relationship, I've latched on to that one too. The term relationship to me has an intimate or sexual feeling associated with it. Therapeutic relationship give me a term to use that is more clinical and less confusing to me.

It's silly because I want want to explore this aspect of myself and I want close, intimate "relationships" with people. But I don't want the baggage or strings that come with these relationships. I want to feel and experience a full range of emotions but I want to turn them on and off at will. My wants are very...dichotomous and I cannot seem to find a way to fulfill both or find a compromise.