I'm so sorry you're struggling so much, VG7515 I completely agree with what sarahsweets has already wisely said better than I ever could. How is your relationship with your husband going? Is there anything missing in your marriage? I'd suggest to think about it. If you feel like something is missing, I'd suggest to talk to your husband about this and see how it goes from there. Hopefully he'll understand. Perhaps you could try couple counseling. Maybe that could help. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings. I hope you'll be able to get the help you need and deserve. Things like this can happen. But live you've said, as long as you don't act on it, I wouldn't worry too much about it. If you're so worried about this, I agree with you about avoiding that game as much as you can. Try to cut off contacts with him as much as you can. Do anything that it's in your power to avoid him. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm sos orry you have to deal with this