I'm so sorry you're hurting so much I completely agree with what HopefullyLost1211 has already wisely said better than I ever could. Forgiving ourselves is not easy. But it can be done. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist. Hopefully he/she will be able to help you. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Try to remind yourself that you're only human. Humans can make mistakes. Your mistakes were completely understandable. What matters is that you acknowledged them. That's a great step forward! Be proud of yourself for that. That's the first important step towards healing. I'm sure you'll be able to take other steps. Take it one step at the time. Take baby steps. It's not your fault if you're struggling. Please try to be kinder to yourself. Although I know it's not easy. You deserve to get better. You're a wonderful person. I'd suggest to talk to your therapist about this and see how it goes from there. Hopefully he/she will be able to help you. Remember that you're a wonderful person. You're worth it. Believe in yourself. I'm here for you if you need to talk about it. We all care about you here. We all love you here. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this