im 37. i've always felt a failure because i was still living with my parents. there were a lot of reasons for it but i still felt a huge failure.

this year conditions changed and i was able to buy a flat for myself. i always thought i would feel better having my own home. i've always felt i'd feel a grown up finally and that it would had improved my relationship with my parents and that it would have helped me finding a social life. Nothing more wrong than that.

i still feel a failure, it has improved the relationship with my parents but because im more alone and lonely than before and i feel i need them more than before. i gained in what is seen from the outside but i've lost in what i think of myself.

last week i was sick and spent the week at my parents. i felt GOOD and HAPPY. tonight is the first night at my home alone again and i cried and i called mommy like a baby. im still a huge failure, more than before.

what have i gained with a home of my own? it feels like everything is wrong. Always wrong. wrong wrong wrong. failure failure failure. die die die. and free yourself from this huge *****. i want my mom, i want to cry, i want to die.