If you do not have the self-control and ability to limit etoh intake to something safe and reasonable, it's very dangerous and you can not drink, at all.

Will never go well.

By safe and reasonable, I mean 1, possibly 2 at most, drinks in one sitting, at a reasonable time of day not near medication times, and at most, a couple times a week. There's nothing inherent wrong with etoh, and actually has some amount of health benefit, but not outside the parameters I mentioned.

Sarah gave great advice. Do not feel bad about yourself, nor the situation.
That you are observing it's a problem is great, and bodes well for you.

Please take care of yourself.