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Originally Posted by Bill3
In another thread divine1966 brought up the Five Love Languages.
I would be very interested to hear thoughts on how these work in practice.
Suppose, for example, that your love language is not your partner’s.
Would you use their love language, or yours?
And must you just accept that you are not going to be loved in the way that you want and perhaps even yearn to be loved?
Or should your partner love you in the way that you want and yearn to be loved?
Thoughts will be welcome and appreciated!  |
Well the first thing I know about this subject is that understanding the love languages gives the couple the opportunity to understand each others language and thus learn better how to provide their partner with the things they desire and/or need.
it's really not all that foreign, just a good description of how people are affected by different behaviors and as such is a way to understand each other and learn to communicate better and everything. Even in any kind of therapy most of what is talked about is really the "languages" of each partner in the couple and the differences in communication, our interpretations of things said, and how better to communicate. Love languages is a good guideline for describing a few different types of people and how they love and are loved, it's realy just a tool for understanding and what you do with it takes your own discernment and action.
Ideally I would think that if your partner's love language is different than yours which is more often than not, true, that you would seek to find ways that you would love them in a way that they would interpret it as such. I mean is love doing what is easy and what we find familiar based on ourselves or is love actually knowing your partner and finding ways to give to them in ways that would make them feel loved?
must you accept that you'll never be loved in the way that you want? I think that's a good question but not too complex. Step away from the love languages and just simply ask yourself if you are to accept that your partner will never fill your needs in the way that you would expect or want? Would you stay with someone that continually ignores what your bents are, what your preferences, needs, values and such are? I think we all know the answer to that, and the 5 love languages just gives us a more summarized list of types of "love"
continuing tyour thought:
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...should your partner love you in the way that you want and yearn to be loved?
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I kind of answered that already but to be more clear, isn't that the definition of love itself? Is loving someone doing what you interpret as caring about them or is it about learning about your partner and giving them what they need in spite of the fact that sometimes it won't be "natural" to ourselves?