I feel embarrassed and ashamed of my personalities presentations.. like a strong dread sensation that becomes a physical sensation

I cant help it this happens...
I don't want it to be like this, i dont know what to do about it though..
I hate switching and changing and feeling so blank and oblivious struggling to remember anything and ...


I wish it was something i could just cut out of me surgically but i know i cant...
And i know it wont go away
and i am struggling to feel like its me because its.. not. ..?

I dont want to get in any trouble