The best thing I can tell you Elevated Soul is to contact your treatment providers. they are the ones that have diagnosed you with borderline personality disorder and .....in general ..... what you have posted does happen with that disorder so they are in the best position to help you to understand your system and how to get you out of the ruts you keep falling into.

On a more personal level I wouldnt even hazard a guess on why things are happening the way that they are with you and what you need to do about it. Im sorry I cant help you more other that telling you to contact your treatment providers but bottom line is all we can do is let each other know we have read their post and what our own treatment providers are doing for our selves. I am sorry that you keep going through the same problems over and over again and that I cant help you more than just pointing you to your own treatment providers.