If you could go back and never meet him, would you? It is kind of like the Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. Would you more still want to have met him, but just be able to go back and do it all again, saying more or different things?

I try to ask myself about the magic to loss ratio in relationships bc when I was a kid I loved C.S Lewis. He said the joy then was worth the sadness now about a few things.

Even though I sometimes regret what I've lost, it is almost always mixed with something that I still wouldn't trade in order not to have the experience. This isn't true about childhood trauma , but it is true about most of my own choices that led to loss or a broken heart. There's something about getting a bit weatherbeaten that links us all together.