When I asked H what he thought about the programs and if we could talk about it he got angry and told me he doesnt care anymore. So I obviously didnt ask him to talk to anyone for me. He doesnt want me to go away he said its too much for him to take care of the kids and 2 years of this **** is all he can handle. He has already said before its not fair that he cant drink when I keep going back to it anyway so Im sure that will end. Im sure he wont take my meds if I am not doing well and likely to misuse them either. Now hes not talking to me at all.

He seen his gp earlier and was referred to see a T because of his anxiety and fast pulse which he has had since this started and is obviously my fault. He said one day he will drop dead and wont have to deal with any of it.

So now everyone I asked for help has said they arent able anymore. Either I manage on my own or let myself die, Im sure if I end up manic again I will succeed.

Thanks for the encouragement, I will just try to get through this on my own.