I met with T today. For the first time in a few weeks I actually stayed for the full 50 minutes. I’ve been leaving after 40 because we run out of things to talk about. She said something that stick with me. She said that when you lose someone it brings up all the other losses in your life. So now I’m sitting here missing my husband, my father in law, and my dad. My dad died when I was ten and it really messed me up. I finally made my peace with it when I was 20. And tonight I just miss him. The way he laughed, the way he joked around, the way he always played with me even when he was sick. He was a great father. And my father in law was a father figure to me. So I guess that’s why it’s hitting home so hard.

The funeral is on Saturday at the same funeral home that I had my husband’s funeral at. I haven’t been back there since he died. That’s going to make it extra hard. I’m going to be a mess. Thank god RS is going with me. He came over tonight and just held me for awhile. It felt so good to be in his arms. I love him so much and I can’t believe how incredibly lucky I am to have found him.

Sigh. I hope I can function at work for the next few days.