U R not on your own...you are talking to folks on here, so that's good to be reaching out.

How did yesterday go? Any intake of etoh? Hopefully not.

I'm talking off hand here, and not giving medical advice, but could you sedate the '''' out of yourself for 3-4 days with the prn seroquel you have? I don't know if/how often you take it, just saw it in your signiture. If it's not taken reguarly, 100mg should do the trick. Even 1-2 days might be sufficient to get over the hump.

You also mentioned concern of impending early stage mania....yet another benefit of seroquel, there's good odds it can shut it down rapidly, or enough.

Don't beat yourself up, things will work their way out, not always on our own schedule, but u r not alone out there in the world. This is not unique (I mean that in a supportive way, that others have experienced this before, and gotten thru it).

If you don't go to a program per se, make the program in-house. U have internet and seem of at least above average intelligence. Utilize what you have. You are stronger than you are realizsing.

Sorry the H is not being helpful. And sorry the kids are a on-going factor and consideration. Is very important to take good care of them at all times. But seriously, that is a lot of work. I don't know how you all do it. (parents. and marriage for that matter).

Hang in there.