Anytime im left alone with myself and my thoughts, even just for a few minutes, my mind keeps repeating to itself: "STOP IT!". i dont know why or what should stop. maybe its my own mind telling itself to stop thinking and feeling whats going on inwardly at the moment. it mostly happens when i get home (MY NEW home) and i see the evidence of my failure. im alone, so alone. and i feel like a tornado is twisting in my mind, i feel like im going crazy so, i guess the tornado should stop… but how? and why? i deserve to suffer and even going crazy. i want this life to end and i want to end it. im so sick and tired of myself. whatever i do, nothing works, i keep feeling the same day after day, year after year. nothing changes. im still and always wanting and needing death. thats the truth...