Thanks @piano97 I would agree that I am fairly intelligent lol unfortunately that doesnt seem to do anything for me when it comes to my mental health and so that part of my life does a good job ruining the rest. I dont work well on my own when it comes to this stuff. I do have a cbt book and have been given homework type things during all my IP stays but I dont really do any of it.

I havent drank the past 2 nights and also took my meds as prescribed so I am proud of that, it was definitely helpful to have everyone remind me that I can do it and that Im worth it. Even though you dont know me, you can all relate in some way and that is what I love about this place.

H is being less mean about things but he has pulled away and that still hurts.

I told myself I would just pretend there was no problem and that eventually if I said it enough it would be true. I realized this morning that completely ignoring the problem wont make it dissapear. Mostly because I was thinking about going to my gp to talk because I was feeling completely unable to respond to T or call my Pdoc. I really like my gp and wanted to talk to her but I couldnt even pick up the phone to see her either. I was going to stay away from this page as well, just take the meds but again pretend there is no issue and there will never be an issue but thats not very realistic. I know isolating myself is one of my major issues and if I completely stop talking to anyone about my mental health it is not me making a good decision which is exactly what I was convincing myself was something I could do on my own.

I emailed T and simply said to refer me to the programs and then I will decide what I will do when they get ahold of me. Thats all I could say to her but I sent the email so thats whats important.

Oh, and I hate seroquel haha I used it once maybe a week or two ago 50mg and ya it put me out for two days but then I was right back to barely sleeping and hyper. Probably if I used it longer it could pull me out completely. Whatever was going on has stopped though, Im exhausted and sick now. My appetite was down from drinking and my body doesnt do well with that plus taking all my meds again and maybe even stopping drinking(can it affect you that quickly). Couldnt even go to work this morning and was throwing up badly last night. Hopefully by tonight I will feel better.