I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, spikes I agree with what all the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. You've been given some great advice in this thread. I'd suggest to follow it if you can. Please don't give up. I'd suggest to call your Pdoc again if you can. Hopefully they'll listen to you this time. Tell them you're feeling suicidal. I hope they'll listen to you and they won't reschedule your appointment. Just give it a try. I know it hurts. Just try to hang on. At least until you're able to see him again. I don't think they want you to die. I completely agree with what Undr*Over has already wisely said. They probably don't understand how bad it is for you. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I hope they'll listen and understand better next time if you do decide to call them. I hope your ECT will help you. Perhaps you could call your Pdoc after you've done it. That's just my opinion, though. The final decision is up to you. Please stay safe and take care of yourself. You're a wonderful person. I hope you'll be able to get the help you need. You deserve to get better and to feel good. You deserve to live a good life just like everyone else does. I'm so sorry. It must be very hard for you. Please don't give up. I'm here for you if you need to talk about it. We all care about you here. We all love you here. Feel free to vent here as much as you want. You know we won't judge you here. I promise you that. Stay strong, spikes. Stay safe and take care of yourself. If things get bead, call an hotline or go to the hospital and ask them to help you. I understand it's not an easy decision to make and it's not something you want to do. Your safety must be the priority though. Please take care of yourself. You deserve it. You're a wonderful person. You have so much more to give to this world. Don't throw it all away. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this