...is when i finish working and im going home.

i feel so SAD because when i go home i'll be alone and i feel so DISGUSTED because my neighbors are hateful and instead of thinking "great im done working and im going to my little nest and i'll finally relax" i feel bad because its the moment i feel less relaxed because of them. they want me to be quiet but they scream every morning waking me up 1 hour before i would wake up. and i hate hearing them talking or coughing, while i keep silent and i feel kind of trapped in my own home by them.
the silence in my own home is deafening and making me feel SO alone and lonely.

the only good thing is that at least i have this forum. its my only friend…

and at least i have weekends at my parents home and i feel so much better there. and not lonely.
what have i done? what am i doing? everything is crushing me.
im done trying. this was my last option. only death is left now for me.