Mine is a lot more weird than pillows, blankets and stuffed animals. I know of many people that have those as adults.
I have clothing. Specifically one black, comfy, loose dress with pockets I have had for a few years and a black toque that I just got in December. They both make me feel like I am more bad or scary than anything or anyone around me so its some sort of protection. When either of those is "missing" I have extreme anxiety about it and cannot stop thinking about it until it is found.
The odd thing is they both have associations with the worst times in my life. The dress I wore for an entire month straight when I had my first major episode which was a scary mixed episode with SI/HI. I literally only took it off at bedtime and to wash it once in a while when I was having a bath. The toque I just got the day of my last attempt before the compulsion hit me. Sometimes I will wear my toque all day and only take it off at bedtime.
I guess they gave me comfort during those horrible episodes so it makes some sense but the level of attachment is weird I think.
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Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Alcohol Use Disorder
Meds:
Depakote
Welbutrin
Abilify
I didn't want any flowers, I only wanted
to lie with my hands turned up and be
utterly empty. How free it is,
you have no idea how free.
- Sylvia Plath
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