This is one of the reasons I'm always open and honest with my T: to break the cycle. My cycle is me wanting to test her to get reassurance. I've since learned to identify that need and catch myself before acting out. I'll tell my T that I want to test her to see if she cares, and that what I really need is reassurance. She is more than happy to provide it. Now I'm starting to learn how to challenge my thoughts that cause me to doubt her and my relationship so that I can reassure myself. It's hard!

This is also why I appreciate my T being somewhat "blank slate". She doesn't usually get her emotions mixed in with mine.

I wouldn't know what to do in your situation with the way your T is. Seems like you're the one having to "walk on eggshells". It's not supposed to be that way in therapy. Sure there's a level of respect required, but otherwise, you should be able to say anything. And if you're suicidal thoughts, actions, and/or threats are simply cries for help and/or a protective action (mine are), then your T "should" be the one you can be open with. Even if you're serious, you T should be there for you! My T and Pdoc always check with me if my thoughts are active or passive. I deal with passive thoughts daily, so I definitely don't need or want a T that's going to overreact.

I'm guessing you're attached to this T? If you're not, I'd suggest finding another T, one who you can be open with. If you are attached, well, I still think honesty is best. Just be aware of the consequences.